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THE PRAYER OF A BLASPHEMER

PETER VAN MONTFOORT





About five years ago, when Irish lawmakers were about to introduce their blasphemy law, I was so annoyed about it that I wrote the following article in the Dutch section of my website. The intention was to demonstrate that people have nothing to fear from this Bronze Age remnant of superstitious fear, and that blasphemy laws are therefore no longer acceptable.


“Blasphemy is an epithet bestowed by superstition upon common sense. Whoever investigates a religion as he would any department of science, is called a blasphemer.

Whoever contradicts a priest, whoever has the impudence to use his own reason, whoever is brave enough to express his honest thought, is a blasphemer in the eyes of the religionist.”

Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)


2010


   Disturbing news! In the year of Our Lord 2010 the government of the Irish Republic – undoubtedly prompted by the pompous pederasts who habitually abuse frightened little boys – has plunged its inhabitants back into the Dark Ages. It is hard to believe for a country not in the Far East, but on the most western fringe of 21st century Europe. Yet, even Reuter confirms the astonishing news. From now on, in this retarded society the so-called criminal offence of blasphemy can be fined up to the heavenly tune of € 25.000!


Still, we should not to be surprised. In a country where the bishops have always approved of the Holy Sacrament of Priestly Penetration, and the responsible authorities always carefully omitted to notice the habitual hoisting of habits to damage young boys for life, of course everything is possible. But let’s take a closer look at this gruesome offence of blasphemy.


First of all, for the benefit of the uninitiated, an introduction to the imaginary victim of this crime. Children born into a Christian family have in their formative years been led to believe that there is a mysterious being, called God. This imaginary God is never seen, but is supposed to live in Heaven, wherever that might be. (Believers usually point upwards into space, irrespective of their position on either the Northern or Southern Hemisphere, when referring to this Walhalla.) In their later life, this deception is maintained and strengthened by specially therefore trained people who make a comfortable living out of keeping this idea firmly fixed in the minds of those misled since birth. By doing so, they ensure that in due course their victims will also indoctrinate their children likewise, thus establishing a truly self-perpetuating system of deception, requiring only a minimum of effort by those who profit most by it. 


This God character, so the indoctrinated are told, has always been there and will exist forever. At a certain moment during this immeasurable span of time, this God figure understandably got bored of just being and not doing anything at all, so he decided to create the universe. Billions of galaxies, each with billions of stars, within just six days! At least, so the story goes. Nothing has been heard of him since. To make up for his silence, nomadic goat herders in the Bronze Age wrote a book about him. It is not necessary to bore you with the details of it - many much more intelligent fairy tales have been written - but in this context it is interesting to note the qualities these people assigned to the hero of their story. Libellous slander has it that they had a perfect right to do so, since they had created this god themselves to compete with the gods of other tribes in the region. But this of course is just a rumour spread about by amoral atheists.


For instance is this god not only supposed to be omnipotent, he would also be omniscient and could even read our innermost thoughts. To top it all, he loves us! Isn’t that wonderful? And in case you don’t believe in this love, he once destroyed nearly all life on Earth to cover-up one of his design blunders. Is better proof of his love imaginable? 


Still not convinced? Then, to prove it once and for all, we will cite from the book he supposedly wrote:


15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:

16 Cursed shalt thou be in the city, and cursed shalt thou be in the field.

17 Cursed shall be thy basket and thy store.

18 Cursed shall be the fruit of thy body, and the fruit of thy land, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep.

19 Cursed shalt thou be when thou comest in, and cursed shalt thou be when thou goest out.

20 The Lord shall send upon thee cursing, vexation, and rebuke, in all that thou settest thine hand unto for to do, until thou be destroyed, and until thou perish quickly; because of the wickedness of thy doings, whereby thou hast forsaken me.

21 The Lord shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it.

22 The Lord shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

Deuteronomy 28 - King James Version.


Now that we have got your last lingering shred of  doubt out of the way, let us continue.


If you and I were indoctrinated in this way, you would think the very least that could be expected of us would be our firm conviction that such an almighty giant would be more than able to deal with the mere mortals that he had created himself, and that now dared to offend him. 

But that is where we would go wrong. Because we haven’t actually been indoctrinated, we have not yet lost our sense of logic. And exactly that is the first faculty the believer has to surrender. Otherwise, in the light of present-day common sense, none of all those wonderful fairy stories would make any sense to the victims of this deceit.


A significant element in this folklore is praying. Christians believe they can communicate with this phantom telepathically. By closing their eyes and clasping their hands together, preferably on their knees, they beg and grovel to their god to help and protect them. Especially the grovelling is necessary because their god is a very insecure god, as we can deduce from the above mentioned begging to please not ignore him,or else.


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So, to show the utter ridiculousness of blasphemy laws in 21st century Europe, I am going to combine the supposed power of prayer with the crime of blasphemy. You may kneel down with me if you wish, and substitute your own sordid personal details in place of mine.


“Dear Almighty God, you are wonderful! Forever the Greatest! Your unworthy servant begs You to hear his prayer. For in a long and sinful life I have cursed Your name almost daily, but despite Your omniscience this must have escaped Your Divine attention so far. And everytime I exlaimed the name of Your beloved Son, (give Him my regards and may He live forever), it was never meant as a compliment. Neither were my many Goddammit’s referring to Your greatness. During all my sinful life I consequently omitted to worship Your Name or kill Your enemies. And to make matters worse, no matter how desperately You craved for it, I never once in my unworthy life affirmed Your Greatness. Nor did I ever humbly thank you for feeding all those starving kids in Aftica. Never did I acknowledge Your mercyful banning of all the sickness from our Earth. Never once did I thank you for preventing tsunami’s, earthquakes and tornado’s. Never thanked You for all the wars you prevented or thank you for not allowing the Holocaust. So I am no longer fit to live in this wonderful world You have created and in which everything (apart from me) is so perfect. I humbly beg of You to strike me down with Your lightning now, sitting here in midwinter behind my computer, to convince the world of Your Greatness and Almighty Presence. Let us synchronise watches; here on Earth it is now 9th of January in the year of Our Lord 2010, and the time is 15:38 hr. CET. I promise that from the hereafter my smouldering ashes will then forever praise Your Greatness and Your Love. I humbly beg You to answer my prayer. Amen.”


Postscriptum 2015: Yes, I’m still fine, thank you!

_____



Dedicated to all those brave men and women of Ireland who dare to protest in the name of reason, despite the formidable opposition of those who make a living out of this superstition.


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